


Chronicles of the Baby Archangel

by AllTimeBillie (BillieLD)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Archangels, Baby Gabriel, Child Archangels, Fighting, Gabriel's backstory, Gen, Hurt Gabriel, Hurt No Comfort, Lucifer's Fall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-10 04:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10429305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BillieLD/pseuds/AllTimeBillie
Summary: He is known under many names. To some, he is Gabriel, to others, he is Loki. He is the messenger of God, a trickster and, most importantly, he is an archangel, the youngest of them all.Because Gabriel deserved better than to just be killed off, here is his backstory.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Not all of this is canon, some details might go against what is said on the show but it’s not like the writers never contradict themselves. This is only my own version of Gabriel’s backstory because I am passionate about him and I’m still pissed about what the writer’s did to him.

In the beginning, there was Chuck. A very lonely god in this humongous place he called Heaven. He was so lonely that he created the Archangels. He cherished them as his children and, for so long, they were his most precious creations.

Michael came first. He was an experiment, the first of Chuck’s living creations but he was as perfect as Chuck could make him. He had given him six wings of the purest white that would ever exist. But Michael got lonely when Chuck had to work on creating the rest of Heaven so he gave him a younger brother, Lucifer, who he made the contrary of Michael. Where Michael had bright white wings, Lucifer had wings of the darkest black in existence. Michael was the light and Lucifer the darkness, just like Chuck had been the light to his sister’s darkness. Even though things between him and Amara had not ended well, he hoped to make it work better between his two sons. He knew there had to be a way. Lucifer was a difficult child at times but Chuck cherished him just like he did Michael. With enough love, he knew this child could be good. 

For a long time, Chuck was happy with his two archangels but he soon created another one, Raphael. To Chuck’s surprise, Michael took a great interest in the new archangel and helped raise him. Raphael was dark, but different than Lucifer. He was a brighter dark and helped balance Michael’s light. As the oldest helped raise the younger a bond formed between them, a bond that nothing could ever break. Seeing this bond that Michael and Raphael had, Chuck decided to create one last archangel, one who would share a bond with Lucifer. This last archangel had to be perfect and special, after all, he would be the last one. He needed to be something to counter-balance Lucifer’s darkness, a being of light but a different light than Michael, just like Raphael was a different darkness than Lucifer. He had to be a darker light. He had to be warm where Michael was cold. So Chuck gave his last archangel six golden wings and eyes of the same color. The child, who he named Gabriel, seemed to radiate a warm light wherever he went and when Lucifer first saw him, he could only agree that he was special. With this, the bond was formed and Lucifer and Gabriel were joined just like Michael and Raphael were. These bonds did not cause any problems though since all four archangels were so close to each other, they mostly served to balance the two elders, to create peace between light and darkness, something Chuck had never managed to do with his sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is only the prologue so I'll try to make the chapters longer. I'll also try to update every week. I'd love to know what you think of it so you can leave comments, they are greatly appreciated.  
> You can also find me on Tumblr: fallen-gabriel.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 1

Once Heaven was completed, Chuck decided to create Earth and let his sons help. When it came to animals, the boys were creative and happy to lend their father a hand. Michael created the duck and perfected it until he could create the swan, a creature that Chuck thought to be just as majestic as his oldest son. Lucifer created the otter which quickly became one of Gabriel’s favorite and Raphael created the beaver. If Chuck found the beaver to be strange, it was nothing compared to his reaction to Gabriel’s first creation. Inspired by his older brothers’ first creations, Gabriel created some kind of hybrid that he called the platypus. Chuck contemplated not keeping his youngest son’s first creation but Gabriel seemed so proud of it that he created a new continent just for it. This decision was later proved to be wise since Gabriel sometimes went overboard with his creations, even creating some kind of tall marsupial with a pouch to carry its babies. Chuck did not think twice before sending this one to what would later become Australia with the other mishaps and simply bizarre things that the kids created. He would also need to remember to make sure the humans he would send there would have good ways to defend themselves against some of the creatures Lucifer had created during his destructive streaks. 

Now that Earth was getting populated though, Chuck was starting to find Heaven quite empty. His four sons were old enough to take care of themselves and Michael, who was now 12 years old, could take care of his younger brothers. So he left, abandoning his sons to go create more angels and populate the rest of Heaven. 

Even without their father, the archangels were getting along pretty well. Gabriel, who was only 5, could barely do anything on his own though so one of his brothers had to stay with him almost at all times. Lucifer gladly took this role and soon decided that it would be time for him to learn some things. 

The first thing Lucifer taught his youngest brother was how to fly – it would be a pity for such beautiful wings to have no use. He tried to remember as best as he could how Michael and his father had shown him and, soon, Gabriel could fly with him. Of course, he still needed practice and he could not fly great distances yet but he had made so much progress so quickly and Lucifer was proud of him. 

To make this even better, Gabriel was curious and eager to learn. Because of that, Gabriel and Lucifer spent more and more time together and grew even closer. Not only were they getting closer, their bond was also growing stronger and they could both feel it. Lucifer could remember his father telling him about the bond once. He had been creating souls and, seeing two souls that seemed attached to each other, Lucifer had asked why. 

“They are soulmates. A human soul is like an angel’s grace. These two humans will be bonded, like you and Gabriel.” Chuck had explained. 

“So, Gabriel and I are gracemates?” Lucifer asked, looking towards his younger brother who was watching intently as Raphael created something new. 

“Yes.” Chuck nodded. “But your bond is much stronger than that of soulmates. You will be able to feel what the other feels, find each other any where in the world, talk to each other even when far away from each other and share your strengths with each other. You’ll feel it, when your bond gets stronger you will do all of that.” Their father had promised.

Just like their father had said, Gabriel and Lucifer could now feel each other at all times. Since they spent so much time together, Gabriel was starting to idolize Lucifer. He wanted to do everything Lucifer could do and always asked his brother to show him new tricks. Gabriel took as much pleasure in pranking his brothers as Lucifer did and Lucifer was happy to show Gabriel things that would help them create more elaborate pranks. 

As the bonds between Lucifer and Gabriel and Michael and Raphael grew stronger though, the peace between Michael and Lucifer seemed to break. Michael, as the oldest of the archangels, had been left in charge of his three brothers, including Lucifer, who had not been consulted about this decision and disagreed with it. According to him, Michael had no right to tell him what to do, he was not their father. Michael and Lucifer were fighting quite often and Gabriel hated it. Michael would tell Lucifer to do something or that he couldn’t do something else and Lucifer would get angry and the shouting would start again. 

To be completely honest, Gabriel thought that Michael was abusing from the authority their father had given him but he didn’t want to get involved. Raphael got involved though and, immediately ranged on Michael’s side. But nothing was going to stop Lucifer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so here's the first chapter, I hope you liked it. Comments are greatly appreciated.   
> You can also find me on Tumblr: fallen-gabriel.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 2

Just like Gabriel had feared, the fighting did not stop. He had hoped it would, that it was just a phase, but it was getting worse everyday. It got so bad that Gabriel could not take it anymore and he ran away. His brothers were so busy screaming their heads off that they did not realize the youngest archangel’s disappearance. It was the first time Gabriel got so far from his home and the first time he saw the other angels. They were much younger and smaller and Gabriel envied them because they seemed to have no problems. So Gabriel sat and watched them until Lucifer found him. 

He could feel Lucifer’s anger melt away into worry before he was found and he almost wanted to forgive his brother without an explanation, simply because he was so worried about him. 

“Thank Dad, Gabe. Where were you?” Lucifer asked when he finally found Gabriel. 

“Here.” Gabriel said, turning around to see Lucifer. 

“Why did you run away like that?” Lucifer asked. “You could’ve at least told us.” 

“You and Michael were too busy fighting. I don’t like it when you fight.” Gabriel admitted. 

“I didn’t know it affected you that much, Gabe. I’m sorry. I’ll try not to fight so much.” Lucifer said. 

Gabriel wanted so bad to believe it but he was not so naive anymore. He knew it wouldn’t last. So when another fight broke out, Gabriel left again. The fights happened so often that Gabriel was starting to know his way around Heaven. Exploring new places and watching the younger angels seemed to calm him down. There were two angels that he liked a bit more than the others. Every time he sat to watch the angels, his eyes just seemed immediately attracted to those two who, somehow, were always together. They seemed to be three or four years old. One had silver wings and the other had black wings that reminded him of Lucifer’s. The smallest one’s wings seemed way too big for him and he often tripped over them and sometimes hit the other ones with them as he turned around, to Gabriel’s amusement. Something drew him to those two angels though but he couldn’t tell what it was. He felt like there was something special about them and he wished he could get to know them but he didn’t know if he was allowed to be around the other angels so he stayed hidden from them. It did not stop him from watching them though and, since it calmed him, he kept doing it. He also loved the garden because it was such a peaceful place, a much needed change of atmosphere from his home that had almost became a minefield. Anything could make Lucifer or Michael angry these days and they all had to be careful if they did not want to start another fight but the garden was quiet, calm and so beautiful. He was amazed by what their father had created and sometimes felt disappointed when Lucifer would find him and tell him to come back home. He loved exploring Heaven and watching the angels learn. Having never had a younger brother, Gabriel had never had the chance to watch someone learn so, seeing the younger angels try to fly or use their grace was interesting to Gabriel. 

Even though Gabriel loved his adventures in Heaven, he still hated the fights and was scared to see his family crumble down like that. Unfortunately, the fighting, the running away, the exploring and the observing of angels became part of the routine for the youngest archangel. That was until Michael decided to intervene. When Lucifer found him this time, things seemed different. His big brother was much more somber and quiet than usual and that was always a bad sign.

“What’s wrong?” Gabriel finally asked as the two archangels made their way home. 

“Michael wants to talk to you.” Lucifer simply said. 

Gabriel could feel that there was something more to this, that Lucifer was hiding something from him but he did not push further, he would find out soon enough. When they got back home, Michael was waiting for them. Gabriel did not want to talk to him but he knew he did not have a choice. 

“Where do you go when you run away?” Michael asked. 

“Places.” Gabriel said vaguely. “Everywhere.” 

“I don’t want you to leave this place anymore. You are not allowed to go to other places.” Michael said sternly. 

“Why?” Gabriel said, looking between Michael and Lucifer. 

“Dad never said we couldn’t go!” Lucifer jumped in, defending his younger brother. He knew how much joy exploring gave Gabriel and he didn’t want it to be taken away from him. 

“He never said we could go either. He left me in charge and you have to listen to me. We do not know what’s out there and we should not go.” Michael said. 

“I know what’s out there.” Gabriel said. 

“And you will stop running away because I said so.” Michael said, starting to get angry. 

“I’ll stop running away when you stop fighting!” Gabriel screamed, flying away to put an end to the conversation. 

He could still hear Michael and Lucifer though. He could hear everything in this place and it was why he ran away in the first place. 

He heard Lucifer’s voice in his head. _“I’m sorry, little brother.”_ But it did nothing to calm Gabriel because their screaming drowned out everything else. 

_"It’s all my fault, if I had not ran away, they wouldn’t be fighting. If I listened to Michael, they wouldn’t be fighting. If I could just stop caring so much about their fighting, they wouldn’t be fighting. Gabriel thought. I made them fight. It’s my fault. Why do I always mess up everything I do? Maybe they would fight less without me. If I wasn’t here, they wouldn’t even be fighting right now."_ Gabriel’s hands were shaking as he started gathering his things and putting them in a bag. His plan was simple, he had to leave and never come back. Lucifer would probably find him but this time he would stand his ground and he wouldn’t come back with him. But maybe Lucifer was just as sick of him as everyone else and he wouldn’t come for him this time. 

Just as he finished packing up his belongings, Lucifer appeared in front of him and grew even more worried at the sight of the bag at his little brother’s feet. 

“Gabe. I’m sorry. Don’t cry, just come here.” Lucifer said, bringing Gabriel in a hug. 

Gabriel wiped at his cheeks and was surprised to find them wet with tears. He was so overwhelmed by everything and preoccupied by his thoughts that he had not realized he was crying. 

“I’m sorry that we were fighting Gabe. I shouldn’t have gotten mad. I’m so sorry.” Lucifer said, pulling away from Gabriel to look at him.

“No. It’s my fault Luci. You were fighting because of me this time. It’s my fault.” Gabriel said, tears still rolling down his cheeks. “I have to leave so you will stop fighting. It’s my fault.” He said before breaking down into sobs. 

Lucifer sighed and hugged Gabriel tight, sitting down against a wall with his little brother still crying in his arms. He wrapped his wings around the both of them, shielding him from the rest of the world like he used to do when they were younger. 

“It’s not your fault Gabe. I promise it’s not your fault. You don’t have to leave. Your place is here with us.” Lucifer said softly, trying to soothe his younger brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm already having trouble posting once a week, obviously... I'll try to keep this regular, I just forgot today was Friday...  
> Anyway, I hope this chapter is good enough and that you enjoyed it. Some stuff is supposed to be in italics so I hope this shows up the way it is supposed to (I'm not really good with the formatting and stuff so I really hoped it worked.)  
> You can also find me on Tumblr: fallen-gabriel.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 3

After Gabriel had tried to leave, Lucifer had talked to Michael and made him agree to stop the fighting for Gabriel’s sake. Michael had agreed but had also make it clear that it was only for Gabriel and that Lucifer also had a part to play in it. So they had both agreed to try and keep their calm as much as they could. The two elders quickly came to the conclusion that they often annoyed each other just by existing so they stopped talking to each other at all. Gabriel was glad that the fighting had stopped but the atmosphere was so cold that sometimes he wished it started again. Eventually, the two elders couldn’t keep their anger bottled up and, even without talking to each other, they managed to break into a fight. Gabriel tried not to run away, tried to ignore it but when Raphael joined in, he decided he could not take it anymore. So he left again, even though Michael had told him not to. 

This time though, he decided to be more careful. He had known the fighting would start again one day but the little time of peace he had gave him enough time to design a plan. He needed a place to hide where no one, not even Lucifer would find him. It was hard to want to stay home even when Michael and Lucifer were not screaming at each other because Raphael was now involved and the atmosphere was always tense. Since he knew the fighting would never stop, he needed to make sure he had a place to go in case it got even worse. He knew he would be okay. He was eleven after all, he could take care of himself. So it took some time before his hideout was built and set up but once it was, he knew he was safe and he could be in peace. He had even figured out a sigil that would protect the place from Lucifer and cut the bond temporarily. His brothers would never know he was there and Lucifer could not feel him while he was hiding in this place. It was also true the other way around and Gabriel could not feel Lucifer’s anger in his secret refuge. He could watch over most of Heaven over here and no one would see or find him. It was perfect. 

As days, weeks and months passed by, Gabriel made the place more and more comfortable and spent most of his time in there. It had become his new home and his brothers didn’t even know about it. Of course, he always went back to them but he knew that if things went really wrong, he could always hide here forever. He wished he’d never have to, but if he had to leave, at least he’d already have his own place. With Michael and Lucifer as brothers, Gabriel had to be prepared for the worst. Unfortunately, he felt like he might have to leave permanently if things kept getting worse between them and, as much as he hated to admit it, he was scared that Michael might hurt Lucifer badly or ever kill him if things got physical. Lucifer was strong but Michael was older and probably stronger. 

The first time Michael hit Lucifer, no one had been prepared for it. Lucifer had stopped screaming immediately and Raphael’s eyes had gone wide, even Michael looked surprised by his own gesture. Gabriel, who was now 13, could feel panic rising inside of him and he could not seem to move from his place. 

“Did you just hit me?” Lucifer asked, way calmer than he should have been. It was like the calm before the storm and this scared Gabriel more than anything else. 

“Lucifer, please.” Gabriel mentally pleaded to his older brother, his eyes filled with tears. 

Gabriel’s pleas did not seem to reach Lucifer though and the blond launched himself to Michael, fists flying. Gabriel then started running, reaching his hideout before letting his tears free. He cried for hours before feeling like he had ran out of tears. Even then, he was not ready to go back home in case the fight was not over, so he grabbed a blanket and sat on the side of the window where he could watch over the younger angels. He had always loved watching them grow older and it always comforted him to watch them all go through their daily activities. Some of them, mainly the younger ones, really entertained him. He remembered the two angels that had caught his attention when he was younger and, even to this day, he was still drawn to them. They had both grown up a lot and the one with black wings seemed more proportionate but they were still only fledglings. 

The physical fight between Michael and Lucifer was the first but it was far from being the last. In fact, the physical fights became a habit and even Gabriel got used to seeing his brothers bruised. What worried him the most though was that the extent of Lucifer’s injuries was always much worse than Michael’s. It seemed like Michael was too strong and that Gabriel’s fears might become true much faster than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter but I felt like there was no better place to end it than here... It's also a bit of a filler, sorry but it sets up some important things for the chapters to come.  
> I hope you like it anyway, once again, comments are really appreciated and they keep me writing.   
> You can also find me on Tumblr: fallen-gabriel.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 4

The fights kept getting worse and Gabriel was always scared to come back home, never really knowing what he would find. He had even spent some nights in his refuge, too terrified to go back home. He was glad he had warded the place so he could not feel Lucifer’s feelings, his own emotions already too much to bare. However, being unable to use their bond also had its negative parts. Since he could not feel Lucifer, he did not know if the moment he would choose to come back home was well chosen. He had been lucky enough to not walk in on another fight but the aftermath of those fights were almost as bad and those, Gabriel had seen them many times. He was used to the bruises and he could deal with them but seeing Lucifer bloodied and broken, laying on the ground, left behind by Michael, Gabriel would never get used to it. The worse was to walk in to see Lucifer curled up on the floor, crying in pain as Michael walked away uninjured. He did not think it could get worse than witnessing this but that was until he made the mistake of coming back during one of his brother’s fights. 

When Gabriel walked into the room, he could already feel Lucifer’s pain and fear. Lucifer was miraculously still standing in front of Michael, but all his strength seemed to have left him as Michael kept punching him. Gabriel could feel that his brother would not hold on much longer and that he could pass out at any moment. He had to do something quickly but he could not take the time to think. With no hesitation, he placed himself between his brothers, hoping that Michael would stop and that he could talk to him but, blinded by his own rage, Michael kept hitting straight in front of him. It took a few hits for Michael to realize that it was Gabriel he was now punching. He pushed the youngest aside with as much strength as he could and Gabriel hit the wall, a pained cry leaving his lips. The last thing he saw before passing out was Michael reaching for Lucifer. 

When he came back to himself, Raphael was next to him. Gabriel was surprised to see him, not having talked to him in what felt like forever. 

“Welcome back, brother.” Raphael said, once Gabriel had opened his eyes. 

“Raphael?” He asked, confused. 

He tried to sit up, wanting to see Lucifer but a hand on his chest kept him pressed down on the bed. 

“Easy Gabe, you’re pretty banged up. It was kind of a dumb move, throwing yourself in front of Michael like this.” Raphael said, making sure Gabriel would not move. 

“Where’s Lucifer?” Gabriel asked, scared. 

“He’s in his own room, getting some rest. He’s significantly worse than you.” Raphael explained. 

“Is he gonna be okay?” Gabriel asked. 

“Eventually, yes.” Raphael paused, unsure of how to continue. “I have to admit, I was scared he would not make it. I’ve never seen Michael so angry before. This was definitely their worse fight.” 

“But it always gets worse!” Gabriel said. “I know you don’t like me and you don’t like Luci but we have to do something or he’s gonna kill him!” 

“I do like you and Luci, Gabriel!” Raphael corrected his younger brother, almost shocked. “Yes, I am on Michael’s side but I still love you both. I talked to Michael and he said he was sorry and he’d try to control his anger. Now, you’ll just have to talk to Lucifer. I don’t think we can totally stop the fighting but maybe we can bring it down and make it stop for a little while.” Raphael explained. 

Gabriel nodded, Raphael was right, maybe they could do something to make it better.

When Raphael finally let him out of bed, Gabriel went to Lucifer’s room, glad to see him awake. He looked terrible, worse than Gabriel had ever seen him but he had to stop thinking about it and talk to him. He could feel the guilt that filled his older brother as soon as he appeared in the room but he also pushed it back, sitting on the side of Lucifer’s bed. 

“I know.” Lucifer said before Gabriel could even talk. “I’m honestly so made at myself for letting you get hurt and I know that it is partly my fault. Michael is the one who got you in that state but if I hadn’t been fighting with him in the first place, it wouldn’t have happened. I could have made something to stop him, I shouldn’t have let you get in front of me.” 

“I don’t care that I’m hurt! I just want you guys to stop fighting!” Gabriel said. “I’m scared Luci!” He admitted, letting his vulnerability take over. He didn’t care anymore as long as Lucifer understood that he wanted the fighting to stop. 

“I know, I’m terribly sorry.” Lucifer said. 

“Sorry won’t cut it this time, I want you to stop Luci.” Gabriel said, even though he felt bad for not accepting his brother’s apologies. 

“I will stop.” Lucifer added. 

“Will you really? You always say that but it never lasts Luci. I don’t know if I should still trust you after all the times you said it.” Gabriel said, deciding to be honest with his brother for once, no matter how much it hurt him. 

“I will, I promise. I owe my life to you, if you hadn’t been there, I have no doubt Michael would have killed me so, I promise I will stop fighting. I will do everything I can not to provoke Michael and, if he tries to start a fight, I will not fight back.” Lucifer said, looking directly in Gabriel’s eyes to show that he meant it. 

“You really promise?” Gabriel asked. 

“Pinky promise.” Lucifer said, holding up his pinky.

“Lucifer, I’m 15! I’m too old for that!” Gabriel whined. 

“You’re always gonna be my baby brother anyway. Come on, humor me.” Lucifer said, a playful smile on his face, that light Gabriel had not seen in years back in his eyes. 

Gabriel sighed and held up his pinky, letting himself believe, just for a moment, that this time the fighting would really stop. 

And it did. For weeks, there was no screaming, no yelling, no name-calling or insults thrown at each other and, more importantly, no punches or kicks at each other. Michael and Lucifer barely even looked at each other but, at least, they were not fighting and Gabriel could not remember the last time he had been so happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit more drama in this chapter and this one has kind of a happy ending. I hope you like it.   
> You can also find me on Tumblr: fallen-gabriel.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 5

Now that he was thinking about it, Gabriel should have known that it was too good to be true. He had been naive, things like that didn’t happen, at least not with his brothers. Of course, the fighting had stopped, Lucifer was hurt. But Gabriel was naive enough to think it would stop forever. As soon as Lucifer was back on his feet, life went back to normal and the fighting started again. 

At first, Gabriel thought he could find some comfort in Raphael who had also wanted the fighting to stop but he didn’t get the reaction he hoped for. 

“What did you think was gonna happen?” Raphael had told him, confirming that he had been naive. “I told you that maybe we could stop it for a while or at least slow it down. To be honest, I’m impressed they even lasted that long.” 

Unable to find anything to take his mind off of it, Gabriel flew away to his refuge. It was weird to be back here, he had never thought he would have to come back but Raphael was right, it was stupid to think that they would ever stop. 

At first, he had not wanted to believe it but as time went on with Michael and Lucifer not fighting, Gabriel had started to think that they were done. But here he was, back in his refuge while his brothers fought, hating himself for even allowing himself to believe that it was over.

The routine started again and Gabriel decided that he could not allow himself to be happy. He knew where it had led him the last time and it was too painful to fall back down. The fighting would never stop and he knew it. Or, at least, this is what he thought. 

He came back home one day and could feel a pain deep in his grace, coming from Lucifer. His older brother was nowhere to be found though. At first, he thought Lucifer had partially warded himself against Gabriel. He tried asking Lucifer where he was, he tried talking to him but he never got any answer. He did not want to ask Michael but getting no answer from Lucifer, he realized that he had no other choice. 

When he found Michael, he knew something was wrong. Michael seemed different, he was definitely not the same and it scared Gabriel. 

“Mikey?” He asked, using the old nickname he had not used in years, hoping that Michael would not be mad at him. 

Michael turned to him, the angered expression on his face softening when he saw the youngest archangel standing there. “What do you want Gabriel?” He asked. 

“Do you know where’s Luci?” Gabriel asked. 

He regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. Michael’s expression became much more somber and Gabriel wasn’t sure he wanted to know anymore. 

Michael knelt down in front of Gabriel, letting the younger one tower over him and he looked up at him. “Lucifer is gone, Gabriel. He won’t be coming back. He said he left a letter in your room to explain everything. I’m sorry.” Michael said. He watched as Gabriel’s face fell, the last glimmer of hope leaving his eyes, replaced by tears that he refused to let free. Then he left, quickly running to his room. 

It did not take long for Gabriel to find Lucifer’s letter and he opened it carefully, reading through blurry eyes. 

_Hey baby bro,_  
You won’t see me for a while and, since I don’t know where you are, this is my way to say goodbye. I tried to stop Michael but his decision was already taken, I’m sorry. To be honest, I think it’s better for all of us. Yes, even for you, without me around, it means no more fighting. Please don’t be too mad at Michael, I probably deserve it. I hope we’ll see each other again.   
\- Lucifer 

For a moment, Gabriel felt numb. What was Lucifer trying to say? What was better for all of them? Why was he sorry? Then it hit him all at once. Michael had cast him down. He had heard Michael threaten to cast Lucifer down before but he never thought he would do it, he thought it was just empty words. His hands started shaking and the tears that he had desperately tried to hold back started rolling down his face. His legs were too weak to hold him up and he sank to his knees, the letter falling from his hands as sobs forced their way out of his throat. He understood now, the pain he felt from Lucifer, Michael’s expression when he asked where Luci was. It all made sense now. What did not make sense was why Michael had cast him down. Yes, the fights were bad but it couldn’t be enough to cast Lucifer down. Gabriel didn’t think he could feel worse than he did in this moment but the pain from Lucifer seemed to intensify and he knew Lucifer must be feeling even worse. He knew his brother could still feel him, that he could feel the pain he was feeling and he knew that Lucifer would still hear him if he talked to him. But he didn’t know what to say. What could he say in a moment like this? He didn’t want to cause his brother more pain than he was feeling and if Lucifer refused to acknowledge Gabriel’s voice, it was no use to try and have a one-sided conversation. So, instead, he just cried until he felt like he had no more tears and all his strength had left his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is where shit hits the fan, I guess...   
> I almost forgot to post this week because of my exams so it's a little late, sorry. I hope you like it.   
> You can also find me on Tumblr: fallen-gabriel.tumblr.com


	7. Chapter 6

Gabriel awoke some time later on the floor of his room, his limbs aching and his head pounding. He lifted himself off the ground and saw Lucifer’s letter next to him. The piece of paper was enough evidence to prove that he had not imagined the event and, while it explained the pain he felt deep inside his grace, it did not make it any better. He knew that only one thing would make it better and it was Lucifer but he did not know what he could even tell him. 

“Luci? Are you there?” He asked, reaching for the bond between him and Lucifer. He felt the pain surge deep inside his grace but no answer. “Please Luci, I know you’re hurting but I’m hurting too. Just tell me you can still talk to me.” He pleaded quietly through the bond. 

“I’m sorry brother, nothing you can say would make this better. Just give it some time.” Lucifer said. 

Hearing his brother’s voice hurt more than Gabriel thought it would but he was also relieved to know that they could still communicate through their bond, that the link still held strong. 

“I don’t know what more to say Gabe.” Lucifer said. 

“Just, thanks for answering.” Gabriel said, deciding to leave Lucifer alone for a while. If he didn’t want to talk now, Gabriel wouldn’t push it. 

Instead, he decided to talk to Raphael. Maybe he could understand. 

“Raph?” He asked when he finally found him. “You know what happened to Lucifer?” 

“Yeah, Michael cast him down.” Raphael said, turning to Gabriel. 

“And, that’s all you have to say about it? You’re not angry? Or sad?” Gabriel asked, losing hope that Raphael would show him some sympathy. 

“No. It was meant to happen one day or another.” He paused for a moment, seeming to scan Gabriel’s features. “See, that’s the problem with you Gabriel, you’re too naive. Lucifer was wrong. I know it might hurt because you two were close but you’ll have to accept it.” Raphael said, completely emotionless. 

“What if I can’t?” Gabriel asked, trying to defy Raphael even though his voice was wavering and his eyes were filled with tears. 

“You’ll have to, whether you want it or not.” Raphael said, glaring at the younger archangel, putting an end to the conversation as he turned back to what he was doing. 

Gabriel turned around and walked away, tears tolling down his face. He heard a scoff when he passed by Michael.

“Still crying over Lucifer?” The older asked. 

Gabriel stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. “You can’t just expect me to accept it now!” Gabriel said. 

“We are archangels Gabriel, warriors. Get over it and move on if you don’t want to end like Lucifer.” Michael shot back. 

From this moment, it was clear that he did not have his place here anymore. He flew back to his room and packed up the most important things he had, including Lucifer’s letter before leaving the place he had once called home. If Raphael and Michael were going to act like nothing had happened, Gabriel did not want to stay here. He was 16 now, he could take care of himself and no one could stop him. Over the years, his refuge had become like a second home, now, it would become his only one. 

He did not bother saying goodbye to Michael and Raphael before leaving, it’s not like they would care, and simply flew away. His vision blurred by the tears that were still streaming down his face, he could not see very well where he was going and he hit something. The impact made him lose control and he crashed down, unable to get control of his wings back in time. He could hear voices around him and many other angels but most of them were too far. Two of them were closer though and they were running towards him. He remembered that Michael had once told him to stay away from the other angels and, for a moment, he was worried he would be in trouble but he quickly remembered that neither Michael nor their father was there to tell him what he could and could not do. He sat up, his bag next to him just as the two angels arrived towards him. 

“Are you okay?” One of them asked. 

“Why are you crying? Are you hurt?” The other asked, standing to the side as the first one knelt down in front of Gabriel. 

Having not realized that he was still crying, Gabriel tried to wipe away his tears and stretched his wings to see if they hurt. He heard a gasp coming from one of the angels and the one kneeling backed up a bit. 

“Balthy, it’s Gabriel.” The angel that was still standing up said. 

“I know.” The other said, sounding just as amazed and disbelieving. 

“We are sorry sir. Are you hurt? Can we do something for you?” He continued, this time for Gabriel. 

“I, n-no.” Gabriel said, taken back by the change of attitude in the angel. “I’m okay. And why are you calling me sir?” He asked, shaking his wings a bit to clear hem of the leaves that had gotten stuck in them. 

“You are an archangel.” He said. 

“Our elders have always told us to be careful and polite around archangels.” The other said. 

“Well, don’t. Not around me, at least.” Gabriel said. 

He could finally see the two angels better now that the tears had left his eyes. The one kneeling down had curly blond hair and silver wings and the other one, who looked a bit smaller and younger had black hair and black wings that reminded him of Lucifer’s. They both had blue eyes but the younger one’s were so piercing that they seemed to see right through him. He recognized them almost immediately. It was the two angels that he had watched so many times, the two that he had seemed attracted to as soon as he saw them.

“What should we call you then?” The blonde angel asked. 

“Just call me Gabriel. And treat me like any other angel, please.” Gabriel said, getting up. 

The blonde got up too and extended his hand towards Gabriel. “I’m Balthazar, this is Castiel.” He said. 

Gabriel shook his hand and picked up his bag. 

“How did you know I was Gabriel?” He asked, confused. 

“The color of your wings. We were taught about you and the three others.” Castiel said. 

“Oh, okay.” Gabriel said, still confused. “Did you uh, did you see what I hit?” 

“Oh, yeah. That was Zachariah.” Balthazar said, unbothered. 

“Shouldn’t we go make sure he’s okay?” Gabriel asked even though he was already walking away with the other two. 

“Nah, he’ll be fine. He’s a strong flyer.” Balthazar said. 

“And he’s mean.” Castiel added.

“Oh, alright then.” Gabriel said, still following the two younger angels. He did not know where they were going but since he didn’t really have anywhere to go, he just followed them. 

After a while, Castiel and Balthazar both stopped and sat under a tree. Gabriel hesitantly sat with them. He could hear the other angels talking and looking at him and he folded his wings self-consciously. They were too far for him to hear what they were saying but, somehow, he knew they were talking about him. 

“Are you sure you’re not hurt?” Castiel asked, once Gabriel turned back towards him. 

“Uh, yeah. I don’t think I’m hurt Castiel. You don’t have to worry about me.” He said a bit awkwardly. 

“It’s just- everyone says the archangels are warriors and they’re stronger than us and warriors don’t cry and I just thought you might be hurt or- “ 

“Cas, stop.” Balthazar interrupted his younger brother, lightly hitting him on the arm to shut him up.

“No, it’s okay.” Gabriel said. “It’s just what happened to Lucifer. It’s not right and...” He trailed off. He didn’t know how to say it. He knew what he happened but he couldn’t seem to say it. 

“We know what happened. We know that you were on his side too.” Balthazar said. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” 

Gabriel sighed. “I just need some time I guess.” He said. “You know, what they say about us, it’s not all true. It might be true about my brothers but I’m not like them I guess. I’m not a warrior and I don’t want to be stronger or bigger. I just want to be me. I wasn’t really on Lucifer’s side more than I was on Michael’s. I wasn’t on anyone’s side but I was closer to Lucifer and I understood him better than Michael ever did. All I wanted was peace. We can’t always get what we want though.” Gabriel stopped for a moment, trying to collect his scrambled thoughts but too many things were running through his head. 

“Isn’t it nice to be better than everyone though?” Castiel asked. 

“The truth is I’m not. I’m not better than anyone and I don’t want to be either. All I’m saying is I just wish I could rip four of my wings off and be a regular angel, just like you. I never wanted to be an archangel.” Gabriel said. 

“Well, we can treat you like any other angel.” Balthazar suggested. “If you stay with us, then you can just pretend you’re like us.” 

“Yeah, I guess that’d be a start...” He said, once again looking over his shoulder to see that most of the other angels were still looking at him. “I just wish the others also treated me the same.” He added, more for himself than Balthazar or Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Balthazar are finally in the story! I am quite happy with this chapter even if it's longer than most others.   
> You can also find me on tumblr: fallen-gabriel.tumblr.com


	8. Chapter 7

Of course, Castiel and Balthazar had things to do from time to time and they couldn’t stay with Gabriel all the time. Sometimes, Gabriel also liked to be alone but other times, the loneliness seemed to bring back things that he wanted to forget about. He hadn’t realized at first, but being around the two younger angels seemed to lessen the intensity of everything he could feel through his bond to Lucifer. When they left though, those feelings came flooding back and he left to go back to the place he now called home. The warding worked well enough to hide him from Lucifer and he could leave their bond at the door. 

Sometimes though, he felt guilty about trying to forget about the bond so he would go out somewhere else and talk to Lucifer. There was a tree in the center of the garden that he liked to climb up on. He’d fly up to one of the highest branch and, from up there, he could see most of heaven. Lucifer rarely replied to him but it didn’t stop Gabriel from talking. He would tell him about Castiel and Balthazar and about things they had done and, sometimes, he could feel the pain ease up a bit and Gabriel was glad that he could distract his brother at least for some time. On the rare times that Lucifer talked to him, he would tell him that he was glad Gabriel had made friends. 

Gabriel was also happy to have made friends. Time alone in heaven could get pretty boring and while he liked watching the other angels, he was happy to have someone to be around. Castiel and Balthazar had held their promise and treated him like everyone else. The other angels though, most of them still treated him as royalty, as if he really was better than all of them. He was envious of the others because they could be kids while Gabriel had never really had that chance. They had an innocence that he had lost a long time ago and, sometimes, Gabriel wished he could go back in time to get back that innocence. 

“You’re kinda lucky. I wish I had had that chance too as a kid.” Gabriel told Balthazar while they were watching Castiel play with some of the younger angels.   
“You didn’t play?” Balthazar asked. 

“No. Most of the time, we were training. We had to be strong and we didn’t really have time to have fun. Sometimes, Lucifer would find time to take a break from training but Michael would get angry at him because we were having fun instead of working.” Gabriel said, looking straight in front of him though Balthazar suspected he wasn’t really looking at the angels anymore. 

“That must’ve sucked.” Balthazar said. 

“Yeah, I guess you could say I haven’t really had a childhood.” Gabriel sighed. 

“Nothing stops you from playing with us, though.” Balthazar said. 

“Don’t be stupid Balthazar. He’s an archangel. He doesn’t need to play.” Uriel snarled, sitting next to them. “He’s a warrior, not a child.” 

That comment hit Gabriel harder than he thought it would. He got up, blinking in an attempt to clear the tears from his eyes. “I’m gonna leave you guys alone.” 

“Gabe.” Balthazar said, knowing that Gabriel was hurt. 

“No, it’s alright Balthy.” Gabriel said, walking away.

He flew right back home, waiting until he was inside to let the tears free. He was hurt but he was also angry. Not at Uriel or the other angels, not even at Michael. He was angry at his father for making him who he was, or rather, who he was supposed to be. 

“Why did you have to make me like this? I didn’t ask for this.” He started saying, walking in circles. “I never wanted to be an archangel, Dad. I know you say that it made us important, that it made us better but I don’t care about that.” He said, getting angrier. He wiped a hand over his face, brushing away the tears. “What about me? What about what I wanted, Dad?” He screamed into the void. “What if I never wanted to be a warrior? What if I just wanted to be a kid?” 

He hoped things could get better but they didn’t. Maybe Raphael was right, he was naive, things never got better. Castiel and Balthazar did help but they were just a momentary distraction before the pain came back. He hated what his life had become and he couldn’t help but wish that everything was back to normal. But it would never be like that again. Lucifer was down in a cage in hell and their father was gone, no one knows where. Gabriel was left alone. It seemed like the pain coming from his bond with Lucifer was worse these days but maybe that was his own fault because everything seemed to hurt more these days. If he was hurting, Lucifer could feel the same and it would only make it worse. He just wanted the pain to go away. At some point, ripping his own grace out seemed like a good idea. It might make it all stop. But he wasn’t sure he’d have the courage to do it. He used to run away from his problems, that’s all he had ever done. He was a coward but maybe that was the solution. The more he thought about it, the better the idea seemed. He could run away, leave Heaven and take a new identity, forget that he ever was an angel. He had started running away because of the fighting and he could feel the tension rising in all of Heaven again, this was probably the best time to do it. He planned everything carefully, he couldn’t fail, he would not fail, running away seemed like the only thing he was good at anyway. He had watched enough of what was happening on Earth to know that he liked Tricksters. Tricks and candies, that was as close to being a kid as he could get at this point. He had even chosen his target, he would become Loki. If he invested himself enough, no one would notice and he would forget about his true identity. The bond would disappear with it, locked away in a part of Gabriel that no one could ever reach. 

He also knew when he would do it. He knew most wouldn’t notice but it was important to choose the right moment. He had enough time to make sure that Castiel and Balthazar knew how important they were to him, they needed to know that. They both seemed a bit concerned by his behavior but Gabriel didn’t care. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Balthazar asked, once Castiel had left. 

“Yeah, I’m good Balthy.” He said, faking a smile for the younger angel’s sake. “Just take good care of Castiel. I love you both.” 

If it raised Balthazar’s suspicions, he didn’t mention it. They parted ways and Gabriel flew back home one last time. Gabriel felt bad for leaving Castiel and Balthazar alone. He didn’t want them to think that it was their fault and he wanted them to know how much Gabriel loved them so he wrote them a letter. 

_Castiel, Balthazar,_

_By the time you read this, I’ll be long gone. If I’m hurting you by doing this, I’m sorry, just know that this wasn’t my intention. The hardest part of this is leaving the both of you but I don’t fit in here anymore. Maybe I never did. The pain from my bond with Lucifer has gotten too much so I did what I had to do and I have no doubt that I’m happier where I am than I could ever be in Heaven._

_I love you,_

_Gabriel._

He knew that Castiel and Balthazar would look here first if they wanted to see him, they had already done it, so he placed the letter addressed to both of them in a place he knew they would see it and walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait... You'd think that with school being over I'd have more time but nooooo, my boss decided that I could work 24/7 now so it's been non-stop working... Anyway, this is the last chapter, there's only the epilogue left after this, so I hope you like it.   
> You can also find me on Tumblr: fallen-gabriel.tumblr.com


	9. Epilogue

He looked over the place one last time and flew off to the garden. He had one last thing to do. He was going to use the bond one last time. 

_“Luci, I hope you’re listening because this is important.” Gabriel said, once he had settled in his usual tree. “I’m leaving Heaven. I’ve been hurting for far too long and I can’t take it anymore. This bond is too painful so I’ll do my best to forget it, I’m sorry about this. The tension is starting to rise in here again and after all the fighting I’ve endured, I don’t think I can take a war. So I will become a trickster, Loki. I love you brother but I don’t think I can do this for much longer and I think it’s better I leave before I break.”_

With tears in his eyes, he took one last glance over Heaven and flew off, his new life awaiting him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end. I know the epilogue is really short but I felt like it didn't feel right to have it as a part of the last chapter so... Yeah, you just get it like that I guess.   
> I hope you liked this story as much as I liked writing it.   
> You can also find me on Tumblr: fallen-gabriel.tumblr.com


End file.
